Since childhood, we have been taught that “everyone is more necessary and more expensive in this world of kindness”. And this is true: she is one of the foundations of a healthy relationship. And everything would be fine if some of us did not overdo it and did not harm her partner or child – for example, doing everything for them and thereby limiting their growth. How else an excess of kindness is manifested?
1. You are sure that you know exactly how it will be better for another
Perhaps this is true, but each of us has the right to make decisions on our own – including decision -making. But it is not easy to cope with them, especially parents watching how their child goes “along the curve of the path” or is associated with the “wrong” company.
Clinical psychologist Karen Nimimo tells how one of her daughters begs her: “Mom, let me live
myself!”When he becomes” too much “in the life of the girl. And this request is quite fair.
Softly advise or offer something-is normal, but try to give a partner or your child to live (including stepping on a rake) yourself.
2. You strive to check and control everything
You constantly do it about whether your partner had lunch (otherwise with such a working download could have forgotten) if the child took a diary with him, whether he put on a close coat, have it forgotten to take medications. Sometimes tell friends that a partner for you is “it’s like another child”?
Of course, you take care of him and do this out of the best motives, and yet let the person function on your own next to you, do not limit him or its independence.
3. You are too positive
Optimism is an excellent quality that helps us to hold out in difficult times, but excessive positive is annoying-especially those who are currently really unhappy. Moreover: usually round -the -clock “toxic positive” is demonstrated by those who are afraid to show vulnerability and real feelings.
4. You are trying to please everyone
“Give another shirt to another”, “turn out to turn out so that everyone around is good” – doing so, you eventually probably feel exhausted and feel that those around you simply use. That is why to be able to say no is so important – both for your state and health and for relations with others.
5. You rush to solve other people’s problems
I want the partner to live better – a natural desire, but for this it is not necessary to rush headlong to “reproduce” what has broken in his life.
Firstly, it is not completely guaranteed that you will succeed. Secondly, this will prevent a loved one to solve his problems. Do not take away from him the opportunity to experience a personal triumph when he manages to rise again after falling.
6. You never argue with anyone
Avoiding conflicts – a sign is not kindness, but passivity. The atmosphere of the world in the house is good, but not due to infringement of your right to speak out on various issues.
It is quite natural to avoid conflicts if you have a controlling partner, but then another question arises: do you need such a relationship?
7. You are excessively protecting another
There is different things behind this concern – the desire to control everything, including the behavior of the partner. Sooner or later he has or she may have the feeling that you or her do not trust her. Yes, life is full of risks, but let your loved one be faced with them on your own.
