Category: ! Without a column

You probably met people who buy products only by promotion. Or go only to those restaurants where there are “happy hours”. You can understand the careful attitude to money, but not when it turns into stinginess – and brings discomfort to others. Many, like our heroine, will not stand this attitude towards themselves.

Buy clothes on sale, refuse entertainment … This is not all ways to increase your savings. One girl anonymously shared a story about her stepfather on the Internet, which saves money on campaigns in a cafe.

The man met the storyteller’s mother when the girl entered the university. She was not against these relations and considered him a good person – nothing strange or wrong was observed in the behavior of the future stepfather. But years later it turned out that there was still an occasion for unrest. And this is an excessive frugality of a man.

“When we went to fast food restaurants, he asked his mother to abandon the cheese in a burger to save several coins. In a cafe, he offered her not to order a drink from the menu, but to ask for water, ”the storyteller recalls. – At the same time, he always noted that we could choose dishes from other meat, which costs a pound (100 rubles) cheaper. “.

And such cases were repeated from time to time. So, when they went to the cafe with a large company, the stepfather asked the stepdaughter, her boyfriend, niece and her girlfriend to change their order: take not ordinary lasan, but from the children’s menu to save a few pounds.

Apparently, the family put up with the behavior of a man for a long time, but once a bowl of patience burst. The storyteller, her boyfriend, a mother with a stepfather and several relatives on both sides gathered in a restaurant, and again began to sound the request to “take that, and not that”. The girl could not stand the next torture.

“I asked him whether he was really so stingy to ask someone to change the order? To ask a person to abandon his beloved meat or drink to save a couple of pounds? He was furious, ”said the storyteller.

Fortunately, the girl was not alone in her claims to his stepfather: “My

https://nox-services.de/ueber-uns/

mother jumped up and said that she wanted to know the answer to my question, since she was tired of lack of freedom in choosing food. Mom said that she works a lot, so she can sometimes eat outside the house or spend some money on the one she takes care of and whom she loves. And she does not like to feel like a criminal in her husband’s eyes “.

My stepfather listened to all the claims, but did not draw any conclusions. Moreover, he called the stepdaughter “small and stupid”. But this did not upset the girl: she wanted to intercede for her mother, who “deserves better handling”, and she did it. It is hoped that the woman herself will no longer be a hostage to her husband’s stinginess and will begin to live as she wants.

However, it is worth admitting that an adult (and the storyteller has not been studying at school for a long time) is quite capable of paying for himself instead of expecting an endless generosity from his mother’s partner.

Since childhood, we have been taught that “everyone is more necessary and more expensive in this world of kindness”. And this is true: she is one of the foundations of a healthy relationship. And everything would be fine if some of us did not overdo it and did not harm her partner or child – for example, doing everything for them and thereby limiting their growth. How else an excess of kindness is manifested?

1. You are sure that you know exactly how it will be better for another

Perhaps this is true, but each of us has the right to make decisions on our own – including decision -making. But it is not easy to cope with them, especially parents watching how their child goes “along the curve of the path” or is associated with the “wrong” company.

Clinical psychologist Karen Nimimo tells how one of her daughters begs her: “Mom, let me live

myself!”When he becomes” too much “in the life of the girl. And this request is quite fair.

Softly advise or offer something-is normal, but try to give a partner or your child to live (including stepping on a rake) yourself.

2. You strive to check and control everything

You constantly do it about whether your partner had lunch (otherwise with such a working download could have forgotten) if the child took a diary with him, whether he put on a close coat, have it forgotten to take medications. Sometimes tell friends that a partner for you is “it’s like another child”?

Of course, you take care of him and do this out of the best motives, and yet let the person function on your own next to you, do not limit him or its independence.

3. You are too positive

Optimism is an excellent quality that helps us to hold out in difficult times, but excessive positive is annoying-especially those who are currently really unhappy. Moreover: usually round -the -clock “toxic positive” is demonstrated by those who are afraid to show vulnerability and real feelings.

4. You are trying to please everyone

“Give another shirt to another”, “turn out to turn out so that everyone around is good” – doing so, you eventually probably feel exhausted and feel that those around you simply use. That is why to be able to say no is so important – both for your state and health and for relations with others.

5. You rush to solve other people’s problems

I want the partner to live better – a natural desire, but for this it is not necessary to rush headlong to “reproduce” what has broken in his life.

Firstly, it is not completely guaranteed that you will succeed. Secondly, this will prevent a loved one to solve his problems. Do not take away from him the opportunity to experience a personal triumph when he manages to rise again after falling.

6. You never argue with anyone

Avoiding conflicts – a sign is not kindness, but passivity. The atmosphere of the world in the house is good, but not due to infringement of your right to speak out on various issues.

It is quite natural to avoid conflicts if you have a controlling partner, but then another question arises: do you need such a relationship?

7. You are excessively protecting another

There is different things behind this concern – the desire to control everything, including the behavior of the partner. Sooner or later he has or she may have the feeling that you or her do not trust her. Yes, life is full of risks, but let your loved one be faced with them on your own.